


you can take or leave me any way you choose

by terramous



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: 2x04 spoilers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, sad hours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:35:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29191653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terramous/pseuds/terramous
Summary: "Are we breaking up?"The word was on the tip of TK's tongue. No. No they weren't breaking up. At least TK didn't think they were.But now that Carlos had posed the question, he wasn't sure.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 10
Kudos: 177
Collections: 9-1-1 Lone Star ▶ Carlos Reyes / Tyler Kennedy "TK" Strand





	you can take or leave me any way you choose

**Author's Note:**

> uhhh so we got the promo and i kinda just,,,, lost my mind and wrote this
> 
> it sucks but i just enjoyed the idea of angst a little too much

"Are we breaking up?"

The word was on the tip of TK's tongue. No. No they weren't breaking up. At least TK didn't think they were.

But now that Carlos had posed the question, he wasn't sure.

On one hand, they'd been through so much together. On the other, Carlos had stood there and introduced him to his parents as Carlos' friend.

TK opened his mouth to give him his answer, before closing it. He didn't know what he was hoping to say or what he was expecting to happen if he walked away right now.

"I- I don't know, Carlos."

He turned on his heel and left Carlos standing in his doorway. If he looked back, Carlos would easily see the tears in his eyes, if he didn't already see the motion of TK wiping them away.

TK Strand, master of running away from his problems. But this time, across the country might be a little far. 

Truthfully, all he wanted was to run back to Carlos' door and let his boyfriend- let Carlos fix everything.

But the truth was there, clear as day. As clear as today when the midday sun bathed them in light and warmth and Carlos drove a wedge between them. 

TK was never good enough. 

He’d fooled himself into believing that after everything, Carlos wanted this as much as he did. Hell, Carlos is the one who fought tooth and nail to stay by TK’s side even when TK did nothing but push him away.

Where had they gone wrong? TK could hit rewind on his memories and study them for hours but he couldn’t figure it out. Maybe it was the honeymoon phase, maybe it was the rose-coloured glasses. 

But Carlos didn’t have red flags. He had a heart bigger than Texas and he was always honest. He believed in seeing the best in people. 

Carlos was a good man. Hell, they all had been. TK was the common denominator. All his relationships were poisoned right from the start. He ruined everything he touched, turned it to dust. 

He’d used Carlos as a rebound for yet another relationship he’d ruined. He hadn’t been good enough for Alex, and he hadn’t even realised until he was on one knee and Alex told him to get up. 

He was stupid and broken and he trapped Carlos in a relationship that he clearly didn’t want. 

Was it the mind-blowing sex, or the pity of having his hookup confess that he was an addict fresh off the back of a relapse? TK just wanted to pinpoint the moment everything went wrong between him and Carlos, where he had stepped wrong and Carlos had pulled back. 

Or if they were doomed right from the start? When Carlos sidled up next to him at the bar and let him put aside all of the still-bleeding wounds on his heart, were they already driving a car destined to crash and burn? 

He’d made Carlos wait too long, and by the time TK was ready to pursue whatever they called this, Carlos had already realised that TK wasn’t worth the trouble.

TK clamped a hand over his mouth to stifle the sob that clawed its way up his throat. He hadn’t heard Carlos’ door shut, but he honestly hadn’t been listening. 

Carlos always gave TK space, even when he didn’t ask for it, even when he wanted nothing more than for Carlos to run down to the street and take him in his arms and kiss him until he couldn’t breathe. He needed Carlos to prove that he didn’t want this to end as much as TK thought he did.

He reached into his back pocket for his phone. He needed to call an uber, get out of this goddamn neighbourhood that was full of memories of Carlos everywhere he looked. The bush Carlos had fallen in one night when he’d had a few too many drinks out with the team. The tree in Carlos’ front yard that they had grown fond of lying under on sunny afternoons, where Carlos had fallen asleep with his hand still entwined with TK’s on more than one occasion. 

It was too much. 

Did he do the right thing walking away? Or should he have begged Carlos to stay? 

He couldn’t keep up with it. He couldn’t keep handing his heart to men who didn’t want it. 

He couldn’t live like this anymore. He couldn’t handle being tossed aside like he meant nothing. Last time it had nearly killed him. 

Looking at his too-bright phone screen in the dark as it was blurred by the tears that wouldn’t stop coming, TK discarded the idea of an uber. He was a mess. He didn’t need a total stranger to see him like this. 

He ran through all his go-tos when he was upset and couldn’t handle it on his own. 

He couldn’t call his dad. He didn’t want to force him to have to pull his son back together after yet another break up. 

He couldn’t call Carlos. 

But he could press the cowboy emoji and hope it wasn’t a bad time as he sat down on the curb.

_“You better have a good reason for calling this late, kid.”_

Judd’s voice brought with it an instant sense of comfort, and a fresh wave of sobs. Sobs that he wasn’t doing a very good job of concealing from the man on the other line. 

_“TK? TK, what’s wrong?”_

Where did he even start answering that question? He let his walls down too early. He let Carlos in. He let Carlos see all the torn and shattered edges of his soul. He let Carlos walk back out. He’d given Carlos the power to crush him and he was honestly feeling pretty crushed right now. 

_“Where are you? Are you safe?”_

TK laughed at that. He was two houses down the street from a cop. He doubted he could get any safer. 

“I’m down the street from Carlos’. I need a ride.”

TK heard keys jingling on the other line before Judd even spoke. _“Yeah, yeah that’s fine. Do you wanna tell me what happened?”_

“I just want to go to bed, to be honest.”

 _“I won’t be long, okay?”_ Judd asked before speaking again when he didn’t get an answer. _“Do you want me to stay on the line?”_

“No. I’ll be fine. I’ll just wait here.”

_“Alright, kid. Hang tight.”_

When Judd hung up, TK just stared at his screen. His call history stared back at him.

A cowboy emoji. Dad. Dad. Boyfriend💗. Dad. Boyfriend💗. Boyfriend💗.

It would be so easy. He could just call Carlos and beg. He didn’t want to feel like this, the stupid pain that started in his chest and made it hard to breathe. Heartbreak could feel a lot like dying.

The bullet in his chest hurt less than this.

His thumb hovered over Carlos’ contact. He hadn’t even managed to stop crying, he probably wouldn’t even be able to articulate how much he didn’t want to leave like this. He didn’t want to go home and cry into his pillow until he fell asleep. 

He wanted to feel whole again. He’d been broken too many times, left in shattered pieces, but Carlos had helped him put all those pieces back together again. What’s he supposed to do now? After all, how many times can you break and be put back together before you’re more glue than who you were before you were broken?

💔

TK almost climbed back into the passenger seat of Judd’s car when he saw that the lights were still on in his house. That meant one or both of his parents were still awake. 

All he wanted was to sneak in and go straight to bed. He wanted to pretend that none of today had happened. Tomorrow he could try and figure this out. Once he’d stepped away from his emotions for an entire shift he could confront them with a clear head.

Or at least a clearer head than he had right now. 

After all, he’d just spent the entire ride from Carlos’ street to his house, crying in Judd’s car. He still had a balled up tissue pressed into his palm.

He felt bad that he hadn’t explained anything about the situation to Judd. Judd, who had picked him up in the middle of the night, still in his pajamas, to give him a ride home. He felt like a jerk. He’d figure out how to make it up to Judd tomorrow. 

“Do you want to crash on my couch for the night?” Judd asked when TK’s hand hesitated on the handle for a while that was definitely longer than necessary. 

That was all the prompting that TK needed to open the door. “Nope. I’m good. Thanks for the ride.”

“Anytime. That’s what family is for. See you tomorrow?”

TK turned back to meet Judd’s eyes and give him a smile, speaking before he closed the door behind him. “See you tomorrow.” 

Turning back towards the house, TK heaved a sigh. This was going to be a mission. If just one of them was awake he could probably get away with just going straight to bed without too much of an ordeal. His mom would let him if he said everything was fine. Owen, who knew TK was at Carlos’, wouldn’t let him go so easily. 

Carefully opening the front door so as to not make a racket, TK stepped inside. He was glad that it was unlocked, as after patting down his pockets he realised that his wallet and keys were probably still on Carlos’ coffee table. 

The dread of trying to figure out how to get those back if Carlos didn’t want to see him was quickly snuffed out as TK stepped inside. 

Owen loved his open floor plans, and most of the time, TK did too. 

Aside from when he was trying to sneak in at night, his face covered in tears that hadn’t really quite stopped coming. And when he could see right through the majority of the ground floor. 

And he saw his father on one knee in front of his mother. 

TK contemplated if he could run fast enough to catch up with Judd before he got too far away. He didn’t need to be here right now, ruining the moment. Maybe he should have taken Judd up on that offer to sleep on the couch.

He was about to slip back out of the door and into the night when both of his parents looked up at the sound of it softly colliding with the doorframe. 

TK knew he looked like a mess. 

He was a mess. 

Owen was the first to speak. “TK?”

“Hi, dad.” 

“What happened?”

“Don’t worry about it.” TK shrugged. “I kind of just want to go to bed and forget that today even happened. Sorry for interrupting.” 

His mom cut in before Owen could say anything else. “You weren’t interrupting.”

TK wondered if his dad would chase him if he just booked it down the street right now. He probably would. His dad never knew when to give up. Sometimes it was welcomed, other times it was overbearing.

“I can just,” TK gestured to the door behind him, “catch up with Judd. Let you guys get back to it.”

“Nonsense, sit down,” Owen said. He tried to seem casual but TK could see him sliding a closed ring box into his pocket. 

It was clear that they weren’t going to let this go. Which was fair, TK doubted he’d let anyone he knew brush off anything that made them cry as much as he had been. And he hated how much he’d been crying, it made him feel weak, but also nothing else had ever made him feel this hurt. 

He’d proposed in a crowded restaurant and was rejected, but he’d still rather live that a million times over than go through this. 

He didn’t know how much he needed a hug until he found his father’s arms wrapped around him. If he thought he had a lid on his tears before, he was proven wrong. Judd had given him a pat on the shoulder but TK just fell apart in his dad’s hold, his hands curling into fists full of Owen’s shirt. 

“Carlos and I had a fight,” he whispered into Owen’s shoulder. 

Owen just pulled the two of them down so that they were on the couch. Owen guided TK until he was lying with his head in his dad’s lap, Owen running a comforting hand through his hair. “I know it might feel like the end right now, but I also know that he loves you. I’m sure you’ll work it out.”

“I don’t think he does.” The words were heavy in his tongue, almost as if he didn’t believe them, himself. He’d driven himself mad so many times, telling himself that he wasn’t good enough for his dad, for his family, for himself.

For Carlos.

But even saying it, it felt foreign to him, like the possibility of this exact thing happening was stuck in an infinitesimally small possibility, and instead of tearing himself out of it, like he knew he would eventually have to do, TK decided to stay in it, and wallow. “I don’t think he loves me.”

The hand in his hair paused. “Did he say that?” 

“No.”

Owen sighed, resuming the sweet, gentle movements of his knuckles through his son’s hair. TK had fought with his boyfriends before. This wasn’t a foreign concept to either of them. The only thing different, this time, was that it was Carlos, and Owen was certain that the situation leaned further on the side of catastrophe the more one sided it got.

Either way, they would get through this. Owen was going to make sure of it.

“Then you don’t know that. Give it some time, until you’re ready, then hear him out.”

“What if I’m right?”

Owen let out a low, hearty laugh and shook his head. “What if you’re wrong?”

TK sniffed and shoved his head into his father’s chest, his cheek rubbing against his father’s shirt. “Okay,” he whimpered. “I’ll… I’ll just… I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”

Owen used his other hand to squeeze his boy tightly, pressing his head into his chest. “That’s all you can do.”

**Author's Note:**

> title: del water gap - high tops


End file.
